we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
