saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
