btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
