Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
