Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
