If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
These tits shall not be calmed
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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