I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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