Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
