Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
