I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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