I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
