just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
