Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Randomize
