Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
