I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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