first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
