i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
