well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
