he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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