Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
