ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We need to get me chipped asap
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
