people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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