Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
