i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
