i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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