somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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