just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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