I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
