People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
