The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
