So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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