we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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