I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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