I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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