She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
