My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
