So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
