Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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