this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
