Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
