just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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