You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
