i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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