i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
