Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
it's like iHOP with fire
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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