RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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