I could have mohawked her pubes.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
