My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
a search helicopter?!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
