what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So many bounce houses so little time
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
