hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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