did you get engaged???
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
