I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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