Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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