My brain says no but my pants say off.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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