Don't you send me to vm
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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