My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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