We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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