I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
