I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
