nut hugger
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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