All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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